What happens if you can't just change your mind..

For change to become a part of your routine, you have to want it bad enough. Sometimes to want it bad enough, really bad things have to happen to you. If you have ever tried changing before you were truly ready, I don't have to tell you how that plays out. You go to the gym once and then never go back, you eat only kale for a day and then find yourself elbow-deep in a bag of Doritos by midnight, or you tell yourself you deserve better but keep choosing partners who don't value you.

There are people in the world who can motivate themselves, and that's great and awesome, but there are also people who need something to happen that lights a fire under them and makes them do the things they've been thinking about doing for so long. Neither way is good or bad, it sometimes just comes down to personality traits. The former way is obviously easier, but you're not doomed if your personality tends to lean towards the latter. In most of my blog posts I will point out the difference between those who naturally can do some of the things I talk about, and those that cannot--the purpose is to show that you some personality traits are changeable, even if only just a little bit.

As a therapist I tend to be that fire that motivates patients to change, in the most empathetic of ways--a nice little fire that isn't actually going to burn you, just points out that you're about to get burned. I work on shifting my patient's mindsets in little ways, which turns into the big ways. If you are that first type of person and come to me with all your roadmaps and blue prints for where you want to go, we make it a reality. If you are the second and something bad made you realize you can't spend another day making the same mistakes, we get right to work. If nothing has really happened, and you are plain tired of feeling this way, but don't have motivation to actually put things into play in your daily life, that is great too--I love the challenge. I get you there none the less. One major way that I work with those who cannot get the motivation to change, is by using rewards. The most basic behavioral technique of conditioning helps even the most unmotivated to change. The best way to manipulate ourselves into self-improvement, is by rewarding constructive behavior. Set up a system with gold stars if it helps, but any time you do something that gets you closer to your goals give yourself something positive (and healthy--your reward can't be 5 chocolate bars when you're trying to lose weight, sorry =[ ). Make a list of things that make you feel happy (taking a walk, listening to your favorite song, a glass of wine) and use one from the list whenever you engage in a certain amount of steps towards your goal. You challenge 10 negative thoughts= you get a nice sushi dinner.

You have way more control over your situation than you are aware of, and you can choose your life. You have to first know this fact, find peace in it, and then start playing it out in your typical day. Pick your thoughts, like you pick out your clothes in the morning. Oh you're mad that you're in traffic, get a tape and learn a new language, blast music that just sparks something inside of you, tell yourself there are worst things--whatever works for you. Traffic isn't really concerned with your mood, and sitting there mad and upset doesn't get you out of it any faster--it actually can make it seem even longer. Make everything into what you want it to be. Let yourself feel pissed off when something bad happens, you're entitled, but set a limit--be pissed for 10 minutes and then pick up and do something productive.