When you fall in love with the idea of someone...

Love is a feeling that defies all logic, can make us put aside our ideas of what we are worth, lets us settle for less than we deserve, makes us feel alive, gives us meaning, and gives us a sense of camaraderie that can make this world a little less scary--all at once sometimes. When love is right, following your heart can bring you to higher places that set your soul on fire. However, when it's wrong, for the most part, we usually act in many ways that are not always (or usually) in our best interest.

If you are in love with someone that makes you feel that you are not good enough, that is the minute you need to realize that you're better. In real life, we rarely realize this fact in time. We usually only realize it after we've been put through the ringer, after we made a million excuses for the way we've been treated, after we love ourselves way less than we did before, and so on. There always is a breaking point that makes you put yourself first, but why does it have to take so long to get there?

That answer is very personal to the individual, and unless you find it it's near impossible to break the cycle. You need to realize why you put up with way more things than you normally would. It could be that you need someone else to love you to feel valued, that you tend to see the good in others--even when all they show you is their badness, that someone hurt you in the past and you don't have a secure view of what relationships should look like, or that actually leaving the person would be too exhausting and disrupt your life way too much to name a few. It takes some deep soul searching to come to this answer, but once you do there will be no stopping you. Logic and emotions rarely see eye to eye, and staying in a relationship that just isn't working becomes the biggest battle of brain and heart. Logic knows what you deserve, but feelings are hyper-focused on what you want. What you want is dangerously powerful, because it's instant and easy to get. What you deserve is much harder as it takes restraint and patience and those are not easy characteristics to come by.

John Green has said, "It's so hard to leave--until you leave. And then it's the easiest thing in the world.". This rings so true when it comes to staying in a failing relationship. Learning to love yourself gives you the ability to leave. Learning to assert your needs and not settle for less than that is the antidote to staying in a bad relationship. This confidence in yourself, and this assurance that you will do no matter what it takes to life your best life makes you extremely powerful--a force that can defeat anything that gets in the way.

Separating yourself from a person that is not good for you could be one of the hardest challenges you may face, and when you can't fight alone find help. A friend, a therapist, a support group, whatever it may be--seek it out because it's all available to you. It will be the best decision you could ever make--to put yourself first and to forget what you want and remember what you deserve. Love is hard, but it shouldn't be so painful.