Becoming who you are supposed to be, but with rules and regulations..

This quote is true, except when you're a teenager. You aren't fully allowed to be who you are and you do have people telling you who and what you should be. These people are usually your parents. And as much as you may hate them for it, they are usually right. The things that they fight you about are usually bad for you, you just can't see that at the time. This kind of thinking does little to diminish the fact that it's really frustrating when you feel that you're not old enough to make your own choices.

Being a teenager can be filled with excitement, fun, spontaneity, some extent of freedom, and happiness. It also can be one of the hardest times you'll experience in your life. When it comes to stress and responsibility and all that, it is not the hardest (as your schedule can be pretty free, and you are usually the only thing you are responsible for), but when it comes to emotional experience I do believe being a teen is the worst. Everyone is constantly judging you, people are mean to you, friends talk about when you're not around, your parents are telling you what to do--it's a perfect storm for developing bad feelings about yourself. You are becoming who you are--but you're doing it while constantly second guessing yourself, wanting to be someone who everyone else likes, and while your body and mood are going through changes. Many people will rebel against all this. They will go and do what they want to do anyway despite the consequences. This feels great momentarily, but it makes things 100% worse. (see blog on instant gratification for extra help in this area).

You get told what to do, you don't like it so you don't listen and do the thing anyway, you get in trouble and now 5 extra things that you like to do are taken away. This sounds like a really bad deal. It is completely common to be frustrated when your parents assign rules that you don't agree with or understand, but the fact of the matter is that you need to listen to them. This prepares you for life--woo, awesome! In a typical day, I could name 30 things I don't want to do but need to get done. I don't have a choice to not do them, and the more I focus on the fact I do not want to do them, the harder they become. What makes rules easier, is an understanding of why they are in place. Having that open communication with your parents could help. Ask them what purpose the rules serve, and you may get an answer. You also have to be prepared for the answer 'because I say so.' If they can't tell you why, then make your own rules up. Learn to accept them. Give yourself whatever reason helps you to listen to them. That is where you can get some control back.

You get rewarded when you just listen, no matter how annoying or frustrating or how much you do not want to listen because you have 'problems with authority'. I hate making doctors appointments, but once I make them I feel a huge sense of relief. This is my reward, a check on my to do list. So you have to stay in and get your homework done when your friends are having THE party of the year. Try to make a deal with your parents--a reasonable one--if you get your homework done early you can go for an hour. If this doesn't work--get your homework done and snap a friend that's there(where you'll most likely see that you're not missing out on much), practice makeup tutorials to look awesome for the next party, whatever it is that feels rewarding for you. Biting your tongue and doing something you don't want to do is no easy feat, you should get some sort of extra reward for it. When you follow these rules you may feel to be ridiculous, your parents will see that you are being responsible, and most likely you will be at the next party with no fight.

This time in your life is about learning who you are, and you should take full advantage of it. Figure out what things you like, what you don't, what makes you feel valued, what makes you feel used--figure this all out because when you finally have your own responsibilities, and work assignments, and bills, and all the other crap that comes with adulting, you won't be wondering what makes you what you are. If I could go back in time, I would definitely have been more concerned with who I wanted to be rather than being upset that I had to miss out on the party. It would have saved a lot of time.