Learning to own your story...

I've been noticing a common theme in many of my sessions lately--a feeling of stuckness. We have explored and figured out the root of many of their issues, they know what they need to do to move forward, but they just can't do it. I think some (but not all) of the the major barriers to change are low amounts of self-love and self-compassion, low self-confidence, and low motivation. I want to talk a little about how we can improve in these areas in our daily lives. I recently read this book "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brene Brown and it's really been inspiring me both on a personal level, and as a clinician. It's taught me how powerful self-love can be, and how it can make everything else going on that much less stressful.

Change simply cannot happen without motivation. And motivation does not happen if we don't have faith in our ability to make a change, otherwise there's no point in trying(I talked more about this in another post). You must have a belief in yourself in order to take risks, to make big changes, or to do things that are temporarily uncomfortable (because for the most part that's what change is--doing things you don't necessarily like right now to feel better in the long run). We must learn to love ourselves, and see that we are more than capable of being who we want to be. This the bare minimum we must do, and we must do it in spite of what others may think. The sad truth is that in this world there is always going to be someone who can't see your worth, but don't let that someone be you. Know who you are, know what you have to offer, and don't settle for less than that in any area of your life.

Self-love, self-compassion, and self-confidence are all part of owning your story. Taking accountability for your life means that you don't avoid parts of your lives that you don't like, or don't want to think about. Stress is produced inside of us the more we avoid something. The more we believe that it's something we need to fear, and that we can't control, the harder it becomes to actually deal with. We put off facing these emotions, situations, what-have-you, and we end up making whatever it was so much scarier than it needs to be. Rather than do this we want to face our problems, we want to accept all parts of us as good enough, we want to understand our motives, and we always want to try to comfort ourselves. Once we take in all parts of ourselves with understanding and acceptance we can love our lives for what it is, not what we think it should be.

This quote sums up perfectly what owning your story means,“The essence of life is simply making mistakes and learning from them, surrounding yourself with people that love you when you’re being yourself, and getting through the failures so you can continue succeeding” It doesn't mean pretending that everything is great all the time, it doesn't mean "thinking positive" even if the roof is caving in, and it doesn't mean being fake. It means being genuine, realistic, and separating your feelings from your anxious/negative thinking patterns.

These posts are supposed to get you thinking about yourself in a more realistic light, and to view negative situations as changeable and temporary. This is only one piece of the puzzle, and I hope that they inspire you to become more self-aware, seek help if needed, and see that I have an understanding of where you may be coming from. I want to leave you with a quote from the Netflix original LOVE(this isn't a plug I just really liked this quote and had to give it it's due credit).

The main character Mickey is in a group counseling session for love addicts (or maybe just addiction in general to be honest I don't really remember) and talks about how she's going to cope with stressors. This is a perfect way to own your story and be realistic and hopeful. She says, "When I feel anxious I'm going to breathe through it. I'm going to count to ten and I'm going to tell myself that I deserve to be happy which I still don't believe. I don't believe that I deserve to be happy but one day I'm going to get there and I'm just going to try not to ruin it today. That's all--I got to try not to ruin it today." And I say, "this is a great piece of advice."